How to get a Runescapian Aggravated
by Paint a story. Write a picture
Summary: How to get a runescapian aggravated.
1. Episode 1 Goblin Diplomacy?

(A player is walking along Lumbridge, past the shops.)

Player: Redberries, Redberries ... I wonder where I get them from.

(Player is doing goblin diplomacy)

Player: Where can I get redberries ... Can someone take me to where redberries are?

Player 2: No, fuck off, noob.

Player: Aww, why does everybody here have to be sore losers.

(Everybody stops and turn to stare at him.

Player: Sore losers ... you know, you're sore from losing the chance to suck, right?

(Everyone resumes)

Player: Phew.

Player 3: Here, I'll get you redberries. Follow me.

Player: Umm ... okay.

(Player 3 takes Player to redberries NW of varrock mining site - the east one)

Player: Oh, thanks. Say, do you have any orange dye? I don't know how to get it, but my friend told me you needed red dye.

Player 3: And yellow dye. Then you mix them to make orange dye.

Player: Oh, must've missed that part.

Player 3: Well, anyhoo, enjoy the Goblin Diplomacy.

Player: How do you know I'm doing that?

Player 3: I'm psychic.

Player: Cool, really?

(Player 3 Bangs his head)

Player 3: How dumb are people going to get?

Player: Will you add me?

**Player 3: Ok, been there, done that.**

**Player: Oh, well all the better, cya.**

Player 3: What, you logging off?

Player: No, but I'm going to ... hey, what am I supposed to do next?

Player 3: Get the brown armour.

Player: I thought I needed orange.

Player 3: Once you've got blue armour, you get the brown.

Player: But why get blue armour when I'm supposed to get orange?

Player 3: You get the blue after you've got the orange.

Player: But how am I going to get the orange?

Player 3: By dying goblin armour orange.

Player: How do I get the orange dye?

Player 3: You mix the red and yellow dye.

Player: How do I get the red dye?

Player 3: For god sake, you know how to do that you've already got red dye.

Player: No I haven't.

Player 3: Oh, well you clearly know you need redberries, you've obviously gone to Aggie's.

Player: Aggie's?

Player 3: Who the hell told you about this if not aggie?

Player: My friend, I told you. So, spill it, how do I get red dye?

(Player 3 sighs)

Player 3: 3 redberries and 5 coins.

Player: Where do I get 5 coins?

Player 3: For god sake, how many bloody questions are you going to ask?

Player: As many as it takes for me to understand what on Earth I'm doing.

Player 3: Ok, look, you get orange armour by dying it orange, you get orange by mixing red and yellow, you get red with 3 redberries and 5 coins then give them to Aggie, you get the redberries from here, you get the money from trading, selling or quests, the same goes for yellow dye, where you get 2 onions and something up to 8 coins, give them to Aggie, make yellow dye, dye the goblin armour, and give it to General Bentnoze and Wartface. GOT IT?!

(A long silence follows)

Player: Where do I get goblin armour? And then the blue armour?

Player 3: Goblin armour in some crates in goblin village or dropped from lummy goblins. Blue armour with 3 woad leaves, bring something up to 7 coins or something I dunno.

Player: How do I do the Goblin Diplomacy?

(Another silence follows, even longer. They wait for a while. There is the sound of glass shattering in Player 3's head.)

Player: Don't worry, I'm not really doing Goblin Diplomacy, I did it eons ago. Look, I'm a level 88.

(Player laughs, as he laughs, Player 3 logs out. Player stops laughing.)

Player: Maybe I should have kept him knowing I _was_ doing the Goblin Diplomacy. Oh boy, I really need help.

(Player 4 appears)

Player 4: Oh, I'll help you.

Player: Great, but first, I have a few questions ...

The End. It sure wasn't the end! 9 more side-splitting episodes lie ahead. Journey on, humour seeking reader!


	2. Episode 2 The Long Trade

(Player 1 is in lumbridge square)

Player 1: Press 123 if you want 6 million gp.

Player 2: 123

Player 3: 123

Player 4: 123

Player 5: Don't fall for it, people, he's scamming you.

Player 1: If I was scamming you, then would I do this?

(Player 1 drops money on the floor, player 6 immediately picks it up.)

Player 6: Woot! You noob, you gave me ...

(Player 1 smiles)

Player 6: 6 ... gp.

Player 5; Told you.

Player 1: I'll trade you the other 999,994 gp, all it will cost you is three dwarf cannons and 10 g mauls.

Player 6: What the ...! Ok, then.

(Player 6 runs off to get equipment. Everyone in lumbridge bangs their head.)

LATER ON

(Player 6 returns)

Player 6: Ok, here is the stuff you wanted, mate

Noobletino, wants to trade with you, Player 1

(Player 1 trades with him.)

Dwarf cannon x 3, g maul x 10, trade for 999gp

Accept trade

Player 6: Thanks, but ... wait a minute! You only gave me 1k!

Player 1: If you want, you can have the other ... 998,995 gp.

Player 6: Ooh, ok then.

Player 1: You have to get me 17 runite full armour.

Player 6: Okey dokey.

(All of lumbridge slap their heads again.)

EVEN LATER ON - NOOBLETINO FINALLY RETURNS

Player 6: Ok, there's the runite armour, so, can I have the money, please?

Player 1: Yes, here you go.

Player 6; Hey, you only gave me 1 gp this time.

Player 5: Don't accept his next offer, player-

Player 7: Don't worry fellow, I'll give you 10 million pounds, absolutely free.

Player 6: Ooh, okay.

Player 1: I'll give you a level 130 account instead.

Player 7: Oh, ok then.

Player 1: Noobletino, get the man a level 130 account.

Player 6: If you give me the rest of my money.

Player 1: Ok, but this is your last payment.

Player 6: Woot, I got the 998,994 gp. That means I have the 6 million gp.

Player 7: You had another 5 million, 1006 gp?

(Player 6 is silent. He looks at Player 1.)

Player 6: Scammer, I'm reporting you.

You have been reported for scamming a stupid noob who doesn't know maths. Get out of runescape, you bum.

SOME TIME, IN A MONTH, WHEN PLAYER 1's NEW ACCOUNT ESTABLISHES CONTACT WITH PLAYER 7

Player 7: Have you got that account yet?

Player 1: No, I haven't found someone to get it yet.

Player 8: Ooh-ooh, I'll get the account for you! What do I have to do?

Player 1: Hmm ...

(Player 1 smiles)


	3. Episode 3 Lumbridge

(Player 1 teleported to lumbridge.)

Player 2: Press 1 if you died, press 2 if you teleported, 3 if you walked here, 4 if you're new, 5 for anything else.

Player 1: 2

Player 2: 1

Player 3: 4

Player 4: 1

Player 5: 2

Player 6: 2

Player 7: 5

Player 1: What happened to you, player 7?

Player 7: I came here by not knowing that I would be the future experiment of this damn thing.

Player 2: What's that got to do with anything?

Player 7: Up yours noob.

(Player 7 leaves)

Player 1 & 2: Reported

Player 1: Well, I reported everyone else here, but -

(Everyone in lumbridge dissapears)

Player 1: -but maybe Player 7 would have been better.

(Everyone returns)

Player 1: Press 4 if you are new cos you were reported.

Everyone: 4.

Jagex: This is a Jagex announcement. Lumbridge is now home to a new area of wilderness.

(Everyone raises sword, circles around Player 1.)

Player 1: Well, at least there's one positive thing about dying. I always get sent back to lumbridge afterwards.

(Everybody drops their weapon and moans.)

Player 8: Hey, everyone, let's get him out of lumbridge so killing him will be worth-while!

Player 1: Polite reminder, people! I haven't got anything equipped so I wont lose anything!

Player 9: Oh well, let's kill him anyway.

Player 10: I'll take him to Ape Atoll.

Player 2: WILL EVERYBODY GIVE HIM A BREAK?! YOU GOT BACK FROM BEING REPORTED, SO THERE'S NO PROBLEM!

(Everyone sits in stunned silence. A magic strike suddenly comes upon Player 1 and kills him, Player 7 walks along and reveals that it was him.)

Player 7: A job well done.

(Player 1 respawns right next to Player 7.)

Player 1: Oh. Oh no.


	4. Episode 4 The annoying loss

(PotterRoolz is walking through level 69 wilderness.)

PotterRoolz: Hmm … not many people around here, I wonder if I'm still safe.

(Ownz-range emerges from the bush.)

PotterRoolz: Oh, hi.

Ownz-range: Hey, wanna go to the duel arena – Al Kharid.

PotterRoolz: What's the point in that when we're in the wilderness? Die you noob!

(PotterRoolz uses magic spell on OwnzRange, and kills OwnzRange as he drops 1 million gp.)

PotterRoolz: Woot! I hit the jackpot!

(Then, a spell is cast on PotterRoolz, and PotterRoolz falls to the floor, dead. MarcoPolo98 then walks out from the bushes.)

Marco Polo98: A job well done … wait a minute, this guy didn't drop anything! Damn.

* * *

BACK IN LUMBRIDGE, OWNZRANGE AND POTTERROOLZ MEET UP, OWNZRANGE HAVING LOST 1 MIL, WHILE POTTERROOLZ GOT THAT MONEY HIMSELF.

* * *

Ownz-range: Oh, it's you. Hey, do you think I could have my money back … and the runite armour you took … and the granite maul … and the dwarf cannon … err, everything else really. 

(PotterRoolz has equipped everything OwnzRange mentioned.)

PotterRoolz: Get a life, noob. I'm keeping this stuff.

(A long silence follows. PotterRoolz suddenly disappears.)

Ownz-range: Reported.

All of lumbridge: Sweet.

* * *

SO, EVENTUALLY, POTTERROOLZ GETS HIS _FOURTH_ ACCOUNT, KNOWN, ONCE AGAIN BY "PLAYER 1"

* * *

(Player 1 soon meets up again with Ownz-range, and contacts him through private chat.) 

**Player 1: What the hell did you report me for? I took your stuff fair and square!**

**Ownz-range: You stole it off me, you killed me for my stuff.**

**Player 1: And, _is that against the rules?_**

**Ownz-range: Yes**

**Player 1: No it damn well isn't, so get a life, you noob.**

**Ownz-range: _That's _why.**

**Player 1: What?**

**Ownz-range: Heh**

**Player 1: What? What is it?**

**Ownz-range: Lol**

**Player 1: What the hell is it?!**

**Ownz-range: Lmao**

**Player 1: _Tell me!!_**

(Ownz-range logged out, and soon, Player 1 dissapeared again. With his fifth account, he still never knew why he had been reported.)


	5. Episode 5 Press it and you'll be thieved

(Player 1 [the fifth incarnation is in Relleka, on the members world, having previously become a member.)

Player 1: Hmm. This is pretty grim. Good music though. I wonder how I can use that 1 mil, now. Ooh! I'll get full rune, and rune weapons! And I'll steal flowers ... naa, that'll be pointless.

Player 2: Ooh, I can give you flowers. Free.

(Player 2 sends a trade offer to Player 1)

Player 1: Do want something back?

Player 2: Yeah, if it's just for the flowers. What are you thinking?

Player 1: A tip to get you millions of money.

Player 2: Wow! What is it?

Player 1: ...

Player 2: What?

Player 1: ...

Player 2: What is it?

Player 1: ... lol.

Player 2: Please, tell me.

Player 1: It's how I got the 5 million I own at the moment.

Player 2: Whoa! Cool! But, can you tell me?

Player 1: Yes.

Player 2: ...

(Player 2 waits for a while.)

Player 2: _Will_ you tell me?

Player 1: ... Yes.

Player 2: Will you tell me _soon_?

Player 1: Yes.

Player 2: Within the next half a minute?

Player 1: Of course.

HALF AN HOUR LATER

Player 2: SINCE WHEN WAS HALF A MINUTE WORTH HALF AN HOUR?!

Player 1: Since 1 second evolved to 100 seconds worth.

Player 2: When the hell did that happen?

Player 1: Yesterday. Jagex announced it.

Player 2: Hmm ... hang on. Brb

(Player 2 logs out.)

**The Jagex Website**

**Updates**

**1 second has become worth 100 seconds according to "Player 1"**

**Read more ...**

"READ MORE"

**Once upon a time, Player 1 was in Relleka, he met Player 2. He convinced the sap that 1 second was 100 seconds, and Player 2 believed him.**

(Player 2 logs on again, and sees Player 1 still there.)

Player 2: Sounds believable.

Player 1: So ... that tip.

Player 2: You'll finally tell me?!

Player 1: Yeah. But first ...

(Player 1 shines a torch-light on him like he's evil.)

Player 1: _We must venture to the depths of __**LEVEL 1 WILDERNESS.**_ Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha -

Player 2: - Sounds Fun. Lets go!

SO, FIRST THEY GO TO LVL 1 WILDY, THEN, BEFORE PLAYER 2 SEES, PLAYER 1 GOES TO SEERS VILLAGE, THEN RELLEKA AGAIN, EDGEVILLE, WHITE WOLF MOUNTAIN, LUMBRIDGE, LVL 1 WILDY AGAIN, LVL 100 WILDY, KARAMJA, AND LVL 100 WILDY

Player 2: Cool! Level 100 Wilderness! It's exactly the same things as Level 1 wilderness, the 1 and the 100 are clearly the same numbers! So, whats that tip?

Player 1: It multiplies your money, first, you drop 8 billion gp ...

Player 2: I need 8 billion gp.

Player 1: Thats the end bit, you drop 799,999,999,999.

Player 2: I need that before I can do anything else too.

Player 1: Thats the penultimate bit, you drop 799,999,999,998

Player 2: I need that before I can do anything else three.

Player 1: 3rd last bit: 799,999,999,997

Player 2: Anything else four

Player 1: 799,999,999,996

Player 2: Five

Player 1: 799,999,999,995

Player 2: Six

Player 1: 799,999,999,994

SEVEN BILLION YEARS LATER

Player 1: 3

Player 2: Six billion, five hundred million, nine hundred and thirteen thousand, two hundred and forty

Player 1: 1 gp.

Player 2: Now _thats _up my alley.

SO THEN, THEY REVERSE THE PROCESS, AND ANOTHER 6 TRILLION YEARS LATER ...

Player 2: So what do we do now?

Player 1: You earn the 10 billion gp I said came at the end.

Player 2: Sweet.

QUINTRILLION-QUINTRILLION YEARS LATER ...

Player 2: Woot, I got it!

Player 1: Now you drop it on the floor.

Player 2: Kay.

Player 1: And press "Alt + F4" - you'll money will triplicate the triplication of the triplication of the triplication of the triplication of the triplication of the triplication of the triplication of the triplication of the triplication of the triplication of the triplication of the triplication of that 20 trillion gp I told you to get.

(Player 2 dissapears, having closed the window. Player 1 picks up the 50 trillion gp he made Player 2 earn before he finished earning 20 trillion.

Player 1: Sucker! I got his loot! Now ... what to spend it on ...

IN THE N00B PERFORMANCE THEATRE OF RUNESCAPE ...

Player 1: PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME -

Audience: Hey-yeh Hey-yeh Hey-yeh Hey-yeh ...

THE END. Well, of this chapter. I'll probably do more. Cya anyway. Review please. If its about how crap my story was, or that this is in script form, then get lost.


	6. Episode 6 Fractions, the drag of time

(Player 1 is trading Zamorak robes with a mithril long sword)

Player 1: Hmm ... let's see, shall I accept ... ?

Player 2: Well, you asked for the trade, why don't you just trade?

Player 1: I'm considering it.

Clock: Tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock.

Player 2: Have you considered it.

Player 1: Nope, I'm still 1/1,000,000,000th away from a decision.

Player 2: Well, could you consider _just a bit _faster?

Player 1: Yep

Player 2: Then how long will it take?

Player 1: I'm on 2/999,999,999ths

Player 2: Bit faster.

Player 1: 3/999,999,998ths

Player 2: Loads faster

Player 1: 4/999,999,990

Player 2: Miles faster

Player 1: 5/999,999,000

Player 2: Take 5 from the numerator, and 999,999,000 away from the denominator.

Player 1: I've come to a decision!

Player 2: WOOT!

(Player 2 cheers)

Player 1: Which is that I'm going to double the denominator first.

(Player 2 falls to the floor.)

Player 1: So, that should mean, double the denominator, halve it, take away five ... ah! The new total is 0/999,999,000!

(Player 2 grabs a gun and shoots himself, dropping the mithril long sword and 8000000 quadrillion gp drops, which Player 1 picks up.) Player 2 materializes beside him.)

Player 1: You _did_ realize we were in lummy?

Player 2: Hey, wheres my mith long?

Player 1: Up yours, yo dumbass!

(Player 1 balances the mith long on his middle finger and swears at Player 2.)

Player 2: You will now die.

(Player 2 brings out a dragoon of death, and he wears black robes with a sinister helmet and a reaper's scythe.)  
Player 1: Reap me, and I feed the money to a level 9,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 troll, I can't see you beating that!

Player 2: Hah! Where are these _trolls_ then?

Player 1: Right here.

(Player 1 is standing in front of an army of thousands of trolls, all with a baton, glaring at Player 2.)

Player 2: Ouch.

ONE HELL OF A BEATING LATER ...

Player 1: Well, at least you can't see the women and the paparazzi who will gladly bring a camera along for the recollection of ... you.

(Player 2 is naked, with bruises all over and his face cut off, leaving a skeleton staring blankly back at them. Player 1 hands him 3000gp.)

Player 1: Make-over Mage will have alot to work with, but here's the dosh.

(Player 2 crumbles into dust, and encases the money inside, then crawls off.)

Player 1: Job well done.

THE END, Maybe Another volume sometime


	7. Episode 7 Disguises and Currencies

Authors Note: As Episode 7 of "How to get a runescapian aggravated" arrives, it is all in normal form, plus Player 1 is going by the name of PotterRoolz again. I hope this doesn't spoil it for you, so, enjoy!

PotterRoolz was walking through the small village of Rimmington. It wasn't long before he came to the house portal, and he was about to enter it, before he saw it twisting and twirling in every direction. It was starting to turn into a blue vortex, and, in the centre was a neon-blue star, 3-D, that poked in every direction. In the star's place, Sonic the Hedgehog came into view, and he landed with a thud on the floor.

"Who the heck are you?" PotterRoolz asked the blue lump that lay on the floor, though obviously conscious. Sonic leapt up to his feet, and announced,

"Hey, I'm Sonic the Hedgehog, good to meet ya. And, you are?" Sonic asked in a hostile way when he saw who he was introducing himself to PotterRoolz.

"Give me 10,000 gp and I'll tell you."

"G … P…, is that a currency? I've heard of Pounds, Pennies, Shillings, Francs, Euros, Cents, Dollars, Pesetas, Đongs, Yens, Dimes, Nickels, Quarters, Birrs, Akşas, Dinars, Dineros, Dinheiros, Drachmas, Drams, Forints, Florins, Fiorinos, Fanams, Francos, Franks, Gazetas, Genevoises, Gourdes, Groszes, Guaranís, Guilders, Guldens, Hryvnias, Hwans, Galleons and a hell's load more, but gp … never heard of it." Sonic was desperate for breath.

"Currency, belonging to Runescape," PotterRoolz explained.

"But why can't you just tell me your name?" Sonic was getting annoyed.

"Cos," PotterRoolz changed into rags and dirty clothes, and kneeled down on the floor. "When I were young, me parents abandwoned me, and evwer since den, I was awl awone, and me can't get enough to eat. Me slowly starwving to death." PotterRoolz clapped his hands together and pulled a desperate face. "Pwease help me!" Sonic stood there for a while.

"If you haven't eaten, why are you so fat?" said Sonic looked at the pot belly of PotterRoolz.

"Err … err … No wait! _I am no lowly orphan, I am the mayor of this wonderful city, eh wot?"_ PotterRoolz put on a black jacket and a top hat, putting on his fake moustache.

"If you're the mayor, then why is everybody cringing at you?" said Sonic, pointing at the people deliberately keeping their backs to him and shuddering.

"_Well, I err …_ Trivelled in tarme from the narn'een forties, Victorian age, guv'nor, I sure larke to put on a play, eh guv'nor?" PotterRoolz did his best impression of a cockney accent.

"If you're a Victorian kid who used the star-dimensional-void to get to this age, then why are you still dressed as a mayor?" Sonic didn't bother giving any hint that PotterRoolz had forgot to change.

"Err … Nah, mate, I'm a modern-day mot'er-cyclist."

"Still in your mayor costume."

"I'm a good old pacifist, then."

"You're holding a gun."

"Psychiatrist."

"You're going nuts."

"Scientist."

"You're dressed in red."

"Astrologist."

"You're thinking up constellations."

"Straight Guy."

"You're shagging me." Sonic kicked the naked PotterRoolz off him, and PotterRoolz got on his Death Dragoon.

"Alright, look here, 'Sonic', If you don't give me that money, I won't just kill you, I'll _not tell you my name_." Sonic didn't react. They stood there for a while.

"Hang on – wrong way round – if you don't give me that money, I won't just not tell you my name, I'll kill you!" Sonic reacted this time. He curled up into a ball, and started to spin on the spot.

"I don't think you can kill me, for I am the el-" Sonic couldn't finish the sentence, for, as the vortex spun round even faster, and a Dinosaur stepped out, Sonic was devoured. From inside the belly, PotterRoolz heard the last word of the sentence.

"-eat."

"Oh, by the way, my name's PotterRoolz." With that, PotterRoolz walked off, leaving Sonic stranded there in the digestive system.

b Read "Newcomers" by "Leo King does Fics /b


	8. Episode 8 When TVs talk

(Player 2 is watching TV at home, having a look at the news.)

News reporter: ... so, watch out for those lumbridge trolls! And that about concludes our Jagex news Report for today. Tune in next time for an exclusive interview with a n00b who was beaten the shit out of by Zezima when he called Zezima fat. Goodbye!

(Player 2 turns over the channel to "Level 100's Channel" PotterRoolz is talking to two other runescapians about how they earn so much money. PotterRoolz turns to the camera.)

PotterRoolz: Hello, Player 2. So _good _to see you.

(PotterRoolz turns to Player 2, who jumps when he is addressed.)

Player 2: M-me?

PotterRoolz: Of course you, who else? Someone else out of the millions of viewers called Player 2 who _just happens_ to have the name Player 2? What're the chances of _that_?

Player 2: How come you can talk to me?

PotterRoolz: Isn't it obvious?

Player 2: No.

PotterRoolz: Come on, you know what I mean!

Player 2: No, why would I?

(Player 2 clenches his fists.)

PotterRoolz: _Every_ TV guy talks to some de-ranged lunatic who's watching it! Come on, we're in the 69th century here!

Player 2: No we're not! We're in the 21st!

PotterRoolz: The 145th? _Tut Tut_ - you _still_ haven't invented TVs where people talk to people!

Player 2: No, the 21st!

PotterRoolz: _OH, RIGHT_, now I see where we're in.

Player 2: Phew.

PotterRoolz: Boy, the 9,324,851st century is sure confusing!

Player 2: ARRGGHHH!

PotterRoolz: What's up? I thought -451st centurians didn't get angry?

Player 2: What do I have to do to get you to ...!

(Player 2 see's the remote with the power button labelled with the word that finished his sentence: "Shutup")

Player 2: Ah-ha -

PotterRoolz: I wouldn't do that.

Player 2: Screw you! You're just TV!.

PotterRoolz: I'm not _really_ TV! Look!

(PotterRoolz walks up to the screen and fumbles around for the volume up button. He accidentally presses the Shutup button, and he dissapears, along with the turned-off TV. Player 2 smiles.)

Player 2: He's finally gone.

PotterRoolz: Oops, didn't mean to turn me off. _But_ the electrical cables weren't _too_ bad. Course I had to spend a couple of thousand years waiting for a life-transmitter to de-erode, then a time-machine so I could get back. The Doctor helped me out with that though, when it came to the eve of the next 1000 years.

(PotterRoolz is covered in black burn marks, and white hair and liver spots, standing next to the Doctors TARDIS, Martha fumbling around for bandages. Player 2 puts on his death dragoon, then raises the scythe.)

Player 2: Addios, assholes.

(Player 2 makes a huge swing, and all of them fall to the floor, dead. The Doctor glows gold, and steps up again as John Simm.)

Doctor: Oh, shit, I regenerated into a human.

(The Doctor claps a hand over his mouth, but Player 2 takes another blood-thirsty swing and kills the Doctor.)

Player 2: Hooray!

(Then, Player 2 falls to the floor with a bullet stuck in him. A re-generated PotterRoolz stands, with the gun in his hands.)

Potterroolz: Oh yeah, and the Doctor gave me the properties of a time-lord. TARDIS, you are _mine_!

Credits:

PotterRoolz - Himself

Player 2 - Himself

Doctor - Himself

Martha - Herself

12th Doctor - John Simm

2nd PotterRoolz ... Well, I dunno do I?! What am I - the maker of this story?! Oh wait, I am.

Ze End, Monsieur Reader.


	9. Episode 9 Conning Plan

(PotterRoolz is out on the streets. He comes up to someone, opens a case, and says.)

PotterRoolz: Hey, buddy, I got some quality wares. Wanna lookie?

Player 2: Whot've ye got 'en, stranger?

(PotterRoolz waves a hand at some fake jewellery.)

PotterRoolz: I got some fake ammys, fake necklaces, fake rings and bracelets - all guaranteed 100 genuine. Wanna score a lady with one of these onyx rings?

Player 2: Guaranteed? Then 'dis stuff 'at yoo said was fake must not b' fake! Onyx's pretty valooble, what'll yoo take for'et?

PotterRoolz: _Only_ the genuine price - 6 million gold-er-oos.

Player 2: _Leapin' Bagpipes!_ That's the cheapest offer a' never 'ad! Yoo got yer'self a deal, mun!

(Player 2 picks up the ring, and is just about to hand over the money when PotterRoolz says,)

PotterRoolz: The onyx ring is only available to paying customers.

Player 2: Boot a' _am_ payin'. The moneys reight 'ere, mun!

PotterRoolz: No, you have to buy something else first.

Player 2: Whot yoo 'ave in mind?

PotterRoolz: Hmm ... a jade necklace? Only 700 mil.

Player 2: Deal, mun-

PotterRoolz: So, what'll it be?

Player 2: Whot yoo mean?

PotterRoolz: Well, of course, the item you have to buy before you can purchase the jade necklace ... what else?

Player 2: I'l take that emerald bracelet.

PotterRoolz: 850 mil, next item?

Player 2: Ghostspeak amulet.

PotterRoolz: 3 mil.

Player 2: Brass necklace.

PotterRoolz: 1.5 mil.

MANY HAUGHTY EXCHANGES LATER, PLAYER 2 FINALLY GETS THE ONYX RING, BUT AS FOR HIS STATE IN RESULT OF THE PAY ...

PotterRoolz: Well, guy, you might have a kinda handi-capped walk home after selling your car, cap, family heirlooms, and all your clothes including your underpants and socks, but at least your girlfriend will find sex a bit easier after that onyx ring. Say hi to the paparazzi and the pornographists for me!

(Player 2 is walking home, naked, carrying the ring in a box labelled "Congratulations, you have been scammed by PotterRoolz and reported for showing your dick to men out on the streets. Enjoy your ban!

THE END

Narrator: No it isn't! You can't end it yet, we need another paragraph!

SO WHAT?

Narrator: So, I dunno, say something about what happened after Player 2's ban.

NOTHING - HIS BAN DIDN'T END.

Narrator: So what about his girlfriend? He wasn't wearing any clothes.

JAGEX BAN JAIL GAVE HIM SOME, AND HIS GIRLFRIEND CAME IN LATER TO SMACK HIM FOR SPENDING THEIR KID'S COLLEGE FUND AND GIVING HER A FAKE RING

Narrator: Well, I dunno, let's just say it wasn't fake.

Player 2's Girlfriend: It wasn't? Ooh, where is it?

JAGEX THREW IT OUT.

Player 2's Girlfriend: Aww, fuck, why didn't they just confiscate it?

I DUNNO, I'M NOT JAGEX, I'M JUST TEXT WRITTEN BY LEO KING DOES FICS

Narrator: Hooray! We got that extra paragraph.

THE END.

Narrator: For real this time?

YEP

Narrator and Player 2s Girlfriend: Hooray.

Player 2: Groan


	10. Episode 10 Maths, Grammar and Newsagents

(PotterRoolz is in a newsagent, looking around the sweet section.)

PotterRoolz: Hmm ... Refreshers, Polos, Galaxy, Brain Lickers ... ooh, brain lickers!

(Observing runescapian notices him.)

Player 2: I wouldn't take those if I were you. Seriously, look at the ingredients.

(Player 2 comes up and flips over the brain lickers in his hand, pointing at the ingredients.)

Player 2: Junk, junk, junk, junk, 2 fruit juice, and junk.

PotterRoolz: If they're so unhealthy then why the hell are they out in the stores?

AT THE UNHEALTHY CP FACTORY

Creator: ... and these set of cp ingredients will send kids into a frenzy, they'll want more, they'll beg their parents, their parents wont let them, the kids'll go crazy, they'll rampage the stores, get put in juvenile hall, they'll go hyper-active after eating all our cp food, then they'll die of food-poisoning, and I'll be rich for the insurance! MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA, MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA, MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!

Critics: I hope you realize that we fund to _sustain_ your company, and that this is an interview about our _aggreance _to the terms.

Creator: Oh st

Critics: And that's all we need. _Goodbye_

BACK AT THE NEWSAGENTS

Player 2: I dunno. All I'm saying: "Chocolate is our heart, and junk is our st."

PotterRoolz: Makes perfect sense. When you're Steven Hawking.

Steven Hawking: I - do - not - understand - what - the - hell - you're - talk-ing - about.

(Steven Hawking wheels into the room, then out again.)

PotterRoolz: Bye, famous guy with a really high I.Q!

Player 2: Steven Hawking.

PotterRoolz: Really?

Player 2: You know who he is, you said his name.

PotterRoolz: I did?

Player 2: What have you, alzheimers?

PotterRoolz: _Who are you, sonny?_

Player 2: You don't have to be old to get alzheimers.

PotterRoolz: Too late. I used my great-great-great aunts friends mums aunts great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great ...

SIXTEEN YEARS LATER

PotterRoolz: ... great-great-great-great-great-great grandma's grandad's grandma's grandma Tsunade's power of cell ageing to age me 60 years, though I'm 76 years old now for saying all the "greats".

Player 2: Tsunade? The Fifth Hokage of Konoha? She's that old? Hang on, you mean you were 0 years old just a second ago?

PotterRoolz: 0? Don't be stupid. 76 minus 76 is 9 hundred and squaresty five - even you should know _that_.

Player 2: I get the inclination that that isn't even a number.

PotterRoolz: Of course "that" isn't a number, it's made up of the letters f-u-asterisk-k-space-y-o-u. Can't u spell?

Player 2: Fuk you, man. 76 minus 76 -

PotterRoolz: 9 hundred and squaresty five

Player 2: is -

PotterRoolz: 9 hundred and squaresty five

Player 2: not -

PotterRoolz: 9 hundred and squaresty five

Player 2: Hah! You said it! "76 minus 76 isn't 9 hundred and squaresty five!"

PotterRoolz: Of course it's rep-thousand and eighty-poop, you nincompooping poop of a nincompoop!

Player 2: It's 0!

PotterRoolz: It's t-h-a-t!

Player 2: That's how you spell "that"!

PotterRoolz: Spell what?

Player 2: "That!"

PotterRoolz: What? You're not telling me anything?

Player 2: THAT! THE WORD, THAT!

(Player 2 is breathing heavily, but PotterRoolz is calm and doesn't say anything.)

PotterRoolz: T-h-a-t doesn't spell "The Word", it spells "That". Honestly.

I-am-a-poop spells "The End"

(Read it out!)


	11. Episode 11 Excuses for the greater good

(PotterRoolz was in court, sitting down in a chair at the front of the court-room)

Judge: PotterRoolz, the name you have chosen to legally change your name to is ...

PotterRoolz: Yes?

Judge: Available. Congratulations, your new name is ...

(Judge frowns. His eye twitches.)

Judge: Erm, you know your new name, let's quickly end this court session.

(Judge straightens his papers, and brings up the hammer.)

PotterRoolz: Hang on, you have to confirm the name, what will these people call me as?

(PotterRoolz brushes a hand in the direction of the congregation.)

Judge: Err ... yes ... they can look at the paper afterwards, let's wrap this up.

PotterRoolz: I'm sure that all the legal processes require it.

Judge: Err ... no they don't.

(Judge brings up the hammer again.)

PotterRoolz: Well, why don't you find out, then?

Judge: Maybe it's better not to -

Person from audience: Your honour, if you want this session ended, why don't you just read out his new name?

Another Person: Yeah, either that or find out if there's any reason not to.

Judge: But, I have no way of contacting anyone -

Third Person: I have a mobile

Judge: That would be unruly for a judge to use a mobile -

4th Person: Unruly-schunruly just do it!

5th Person: You can't talk to him like that -

6th Person: Screw you! He ain't gonna arrest him cos he said that it wasn't unruly!

7th Person: Yeah, it wasn't unruly! Do it judge!

5th Person: That's "your honour" to you! Hyarrghh!

(5th Person brings out a schimitar and lunges for the 7th Person)

Schimitar 1 Damage

(7th Person brings out mace)

Mace 3 Damage

Schimitar 1 Damage

(5th Person brings out shield)

Mace Attack Shielded.

(7th person follows suit.)

Schimitar Attack Shielded

Mace Attack Shielded.

Schimitar Attack Shielded

Mace Attack Shielded.

Schimitar Attack Shielded

Mace Attack Shielded.

Schimitar Attack Shielded

Mace Attack Shielded.

A MILLION "SHIELDED"S LATER

5th and 7th Person: Pant, Pant, Pant, Pant.

Judge: ENOUGH! STOP THIS BORING FIGHT THAT'S GETTING US NOWHERE!

(5th and 7th Person stop.)

Judge: All in favour of the 5th Person's view

(No-one raises their hands.)

Judge: All in favour of the 7th Person's view

(Everyone raises their hands, including PotterRoolz.)

PotterRoolz: Your Honour, the vote is clear - please just take his mobile and find out whether it's neccesary to speak out my name or not.

Judge: Fine, I will simply read out your name instead. PotterRoolz, your new name is ... yfjdhfksnkfgywmrjnfdifhenfoidhfndkghmfidghgkdugndkfufgkjfjfhufteksejdjrdgdkhdysrjgikvjsgdgvdnhvsrgkdvegmjsdfkkkkesdbhkfuyfgkjdsyhjjkdsdjgkgvhzkkjsmnekzsjgsgefkzndjzskgtjrdgudtgtdhcgudfhkmndfhjigjjsdfgkkmdxgmjxkfjdvgjdrsergfjkrjkfsdhfjdhjfdjfgskhsgslahxmcncmvbnbnvhdkfmgjkglghdfkbnboerattyfkkgkfffgfgcvhfgjkfghdfjdfbhfgjkdshzfbffsdbhfgjgmfukujhreshrshejfasymkwesdawsdkaeshjqwekhjauallsukwsdgksjwgserlkhkandiroolgbseuikjguhhyzkjhzxhzsxghdfxxdsafdkjfheuhfseurhsgesjsuhsgjhesgswgsjkwsgjkswhsnrgfjkrjkfsdhfjdhjfdjfgskzskgtjrdgudtgtdhdnhvsrgkdvegmjsdfkknfdifhenfoidhfndkghmfidghg

9,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999, WORTHLESS YEARS LATER

Judges Skeleton: fjfgfdihxdfzjufsewhghdfhfhfdhgjgnnnfvjbhbkjsikjejqoweioofgjfmfjkcbhfgkfhfgkfghfgjghxjfdshhjfghfgjjhjkdskjasjqjgfufhsahdgjstsnwshgasyhdxjhfsehcjhshfjsefshsjhsdhneghsehfsehwfshawrhhfjhjfshwhfdsehfukthejudgefdsndsdeaksgskajzgjzsjkjdhjdhgikjhjzkgjkskskskfknfgkjfhgnrbrjvnfhhfjnghj. All in favour of getting PotterRoolz a new name?

(The piles of dust in the congregation all raise a zombie hand.

The End (PotterRoolz never aged in that time period, he retained the time-lord properties he stole from the Doctor.)


	12. Episode 12 The End, it comes alot

PotterRoolz: Well, it looks like the amazing series is coming to the end, I hope this clinches it. I'll pretend to be ... [drumroll A N00b !!!

[Pathetic Startup

La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la laa laa la

PREVIOUSLY ON HOW TO GET A RUNESCAPIAN AGGRAVATED -

Leo King does fics: Cut, cut, cut! People that was terrible, and, _just a note_, Capital Letters, we DON'T DO 'PREVIOUSLYS'

Director: We don't?

Leo King does fics: I have a director now, huh?! GEDDOUTTA TOWN, YOU BUM!

PotterRoolz: Can we move this along, now, Capital Letters? Leo? I'm getting bored - infact the start-up nearly reduced me to tears - of boredom-cos-I-hate-the-start-up-ness

Audience: Lol

Leo King does fics: Hey, since when was an audience supposed to be here? This is a non-live broadcasting, not a theatre show!

SO, MANY ROWS LATER ...

Leo King does fics: Oh, don't you start, Letters!

Cameraman: Hey, give 'im a break!

Leo King does fics: A cameraman too? OUTTA HERE!! And the audience, and the assistants, and the best boys, and the best girls, and the actors, and EVERYBODY! GET OUT!!! Except you, Capital Letters

GOODIE! SO ... EVERYONE HAD LEFT THE BUILDING, AND LEO KING DOES FICS WAS IN SLOW REALIZATION THAT HE HAD NO ACTORS TO STAR IN HIS STORY. HEY, WAIT A MINUTE, WHAT HAPPENED TO SQUARE BRACKETS?

[Mmgh - mmgh, let me out!

Leo King does fics: Err ... you didn't see nothing.

Police Cop: You're under arrest for the kidnapping of a piece of punctuation which, for some reason, can talk.

Leo King does fics: Noooooo ...

No text

No text

No text

No text

No text

No text

No text

One of those TV breakdown spokesman: This channel is going off the air, as there is nobody to tell the story, except Capital Letters, but he too was put in jail for being too capital. Toodles!

Robotic Voice: NINE YEARS LATER

Leo King does fics: I'm finally out

Reviewer: Not just out of prison, but you're out of room for any more story

Leo King does fics: No, way! I'll just make it an epic!

Reviewer: Suit yourself

ONE EPIC LATER

Leo King does fics: Capital Letters, I see you're back

YEP

Leo King does fics: You just missed the epic

NO I DIDN'T, I WAS JUST THERE TO SAY 'ONE EPIC LATER'

Leo King does fics: Oh, good then. So, PotterRoolz, on with the story. Oh yes, and square brackets, you acting in this?

[Yes. Yes I am.

Leo King does fics: Done, and done

[Yay

EL CR&PPO STARTUP AGAIN

[PotterRoolz was pretending to be a noob -

THE END

A/N: What? Where has my precious story gone? Where has my title of Leo King does fics gone? No, it can't be, I've run out of space!

THE END AGAIN

Leo King does fics: No it isn't. I DEMAND SPACE FOR MY STORY!

Wordpad: _Fine_

[PotterRoolz was pretending to be a noob, and he came across Ownz-Range on Lumbridge. A silence follows.

PotterRoolz: You es El B$rd

Take 2:

Ownz-Range: Hello, who are you again?

PotterRoolz: Moby Duck

Take 3:

Ownz-Range: Hell -

[Nuclear Missile falls

Take 67:

PotterRoolz: Am I gay?

Ownz-Range[Bleeping noises

THE END, REALLY I SWEAR THIS TIME

[One six-million page epic later

**You notice that PotterRoolz never got to be a noob or annoy anyone in this**


End file.
